Is My Relationship Abusive?

The following is a checklist used by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

Look over the following questions. Think about how you are being treated and how you treat your partner. Remember, when one person scares, hurts or continually puts down the other person, it’s abuse.

Does your partner…

  • Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family?
  • Put down your accomplishments or goals?
  • Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?
  • Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance?
  • Tell you that you are nothing without them?
  • Treat you roughly – grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you?
  • Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be?
  • Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?
  • Blame you for how they feel or act?
  • Pressure you sexually for things you aren’t ready for?
  • Make you feel like there “is no way out” of the relationship?
  • Prevent you from doing things you want – like spending time with your friends or family?
  • Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to “teach you a lesson”?

Do you…

  • Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act?
  • Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner’s behavior?
  • Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself?
  • Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?
  • Feel like no matter what you do, your partner is never happy with you?
  • Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?
  • Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke up?

If any of these are happening in your relationship, talk to someone. Without some help, the abuse will continue.

Adapted by the National Council Against Domestic Violence from Reaching and Teaching Teens to Stop Violence, Nebraska Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Coalition, Lincoln, NE.

How Do I Know if I am Being Abused?

Does Your Partner…

  • Call You Names?
  • Tell You What to Wear or How To Do Your Hair?
  • Get Extremely Jealous When You Talk To Others?
  • Check Up On You When You Go Out?
  • Threaten You When You Disagree With Him or Her?
  • Ask You Not To See Your Friends or Participate in Activities?
  • Put You Down or Embarrass You in Front of Others?
  • Destroy Things That You Care About?
  • Force You To Engage in Sexual Activities That Make You Feel Uncomfortable?
  • Ever Hold You Down, Push, Or Hit You?

“Yes” answers indicate that your relationship is unhealthy and perhaps even abusive.

If you are currently in an abusive relationship and fear for your safety call our Hotline at (888) 843-9262 so that we can help you develop a Safety Plan. Leaving an abusive relationship can be extremely risky; our Hotline Staff can give you help and guidance.